I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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