There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
