You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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