Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
