It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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