A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my liver is dry heaving
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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