Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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