All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
