Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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