Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
