that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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