thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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