Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
