She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
