what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
