he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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