She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
