You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
