She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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