Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
