There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
