my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
