i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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