whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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