...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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