im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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