seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
