Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
