Don't you send me to vm
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
