it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
