you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
