Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
