DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I smell like Dick and happiness
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