Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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