I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
