Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A bitchslap is in order.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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