Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
