If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
