and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
