You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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