wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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