i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
