anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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