I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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