dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
