Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
