What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
