you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
