They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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