Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
