Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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