If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
