ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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