I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
