so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
