where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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