Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
