He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
