That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
