Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
